1. Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

2. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he’s 97 years old … and we haven’t a clue where he is.

3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

4. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

5. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to actually go there.

7. Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, “Well, he looks good, doesn’t he.”

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years . just getting over the hill was enough.

11. We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our skulls. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

12. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.